10/22/2011
12:03 am
I hate arguing because I'm really bad at it. Somehow I get easily influenced by the other party during any debate but after a heated argument(or lecture), I realised that actually I'm not in the wrong too. And by sitting down and think about it, I can easily think of some counterarguments. Problem is that I cannot put it in words.
Results? Me just ignoring the other party and holding firm to my beliefs. But I still feel so downplayed.
If only, people were more open and accepting. It is good that some people have very strong ideals and have a clear direction in life. But that doesn't mean that they should force their ideals on others. For me, I'm not a very influential person, in fact, I'm easily influenced. But still I still have things I have and like to do and ideals to myself I hold dear. Shooting down my interests or what I believe are important things in life is just so unfair, especially without understanding it first.
I guess that is why I'm more accepting to differences of others, because I want others to accept my differences too.
Recently, we learnt in Human Resource about the Self. How the self can be taught as 2 reflecting mirrors, you try to portray the image you desire to others, afterwhich, the other party will react to the image you portray and you try to change yourself according to the reactions of the other party.
I find myself doing that unconsciously all the time. Towards different people, I behave differently. Sometimes I get very loud and talkative(though rarely, only with people with I'm extremely familiar with) but most of the time I'm really quiet. I tend to have a weak aura, I guess. Sometimes I have things I want to say, but I'm too afraid to say it. Could be low-self esteem? haha, I'm always doubting myself and thinking that I might have made a mistake somewhere. hm.. possible reason may be because I'm not well-versed in general knowledge or interests that the majority have. Can't really be confident with my stand without much knowledge.
I do know that I do not have a strong direction in life. But I'm exploring it and finding it. I'm sure many others are also experiencing the same thing. I do not want to decide straight away on a goal or a path that will decide how I spend the rest of my life. It's too big of a choice to be made just by pondering it overnight. If you have already found it, good for you. But don't push your direction in life unto others, because it is their life, not yours.
Just feel like ranting and settling my thoughts. I realised that I haven't written a long blog post for a long time already. o.O
waiting by the river|`