Shush...

2012-02-17T23:00:00.003+08:00

Yay, I got my JLPT results and got full marks. Whee. I'm happy I got full marks but I regretted taking N4 instead of N3. lol..

2012-02-16T01:01:00.000+08:00

When I'm supposed to do something I have never done before, I was get kind of nervous and irritated. Bleh.

2012-02-14T02:59:00.002+08:00

I really can't handle kids...

zz....... regretting now.

2012-02-12T21:58:00.001+08:00

I realised that I really dislike a Chinese-speaking environment. :/

Maybe it is just that I want to run away from something I'm bad at. It is really vexing to struggle to speak the language when I have to, and have people stare at me with the "Shouldn't you be good at it since it is your mother tongue?" look.

Bleh...

Since Chinese is my roots, I feel a bit guilty for not trying to improve it...but.. it really takes a lot of time to improve in a language. I'm not really interested in Chinese and I have better things to do.

I hope that when I graduate, I will find a job that does not require me to converse in that language.

2012-02-02T00:47:00.001+08:00

Sometimes stupid things people do make me feel like that age does not really matter in the level of maturity one has. Either that it is just me being immature but not knowing it. -.-"

O well.. at least I'm not making a fuss over things that should be acceptable, nor do I set double standards.

Actually I am pretty pissed but there is no point making a fuss and causing everyone else to be unhappy too.

2012-01-12T23:58:00.003+08:00

I realised I have wasted most of my day watching anime, facebooking and playing games.

:( :( :(

I shall resolve to stop games completely. Cut down on watching anime and study Japanese or heat transfer during my free time.

2012-01-08T20:23:00.001+08:00

Had my first (two) Japanese lessons today.

Boy it was nice listening to Japanese people speaking Japanese again (at a level comprehensible to me).
But I realised I'm really lacking in my vocab and my kanji though. Just today I forgot how to write 夏 o.O I guess this is what happens when you study Japanese through the internet and not bother to learn how to write vocab from the textbook.

O well.. it's fun learning Japanese from a classroom environment again but there's so much homework!!! Esp the prep class!! At least I have a week to do it.

I should start studying Heat Transfer from my Jap textbook... T.T have not started on it although I told myself I would start on it after the exams. It is just so intimidating, it being all in Japanese. Wondered how my senior survived lessons in complete Japanese.

2012-01-07T20:01:00.002+08:00

Extracted my wisdom tooth yesterday. It was a little more scary than when I extracted my 4 teeth to make my braces, because it was not fully out so the dentist need to cut the gum abit. x\

I think he drilled away the gum covering it and tried pulling out. eeks. And it hurt a little even though there was supposed to anesthesia.

I was surprised when I got back my tooth as a for keepsakes. It was broken into 4 pieces. o.O violent.. Well at least they covered my eyes during the operation... I think I would really freak out if I could see what was going on.

Now can't eat anything except soft food, so had porridge for lunch and dinner, together with soya bean milk. I'm still hungry but I feel too lazy to eat. 早く普通の食べ物が食べられようになりたい！

2012-01-05T03:09:00.000+08:00

I think I'm finding myself reverting back to my more withdrawn self. Not that I was very outgoing or talkative before.. Actually, it's more like.. I stopped making the effort to take a step out of my comfort zone. This is happening even when I'm learning Japanese, something I'm "supposed" to love doing. =(

I realised this is happening the period after dance camp. o.O(though I don't see how dance camp can be the reason for this and I don't think it is) Somehow, I stop making Japanese journal entries. Partly because I'm lazy. Partly because I was overwhelmed by the numerous new grammar introduced at IKOMA. Partly because I was scared to write them.

Come to think of it, why was I scared? I was scared because I am afraid of making mistakes, (I think). I shouldn't be scared. Nothing bad will happen right? Sure, you might "reinforce" mistakes especially if no one corrects you. But not practicing will make your skills worse too. -.-" haiz, there's really nothing to lose actually. It's just a feeling that inhibits you

I read from mind your body that writing down your fears are a way of overcoming it. And after doing it(the above), I can verify that it works haha. I feel much much better now. =) Tomorrow is the Heartlands tour, I totally forgotten about it during the outing I had with clique 11 earlier this night until I reached home and checked my phone(it died when I was out)

I realised many of my friends already have dreams and are working towards it. Me? I don't really have one. But what I do believe is to enjoy your life. Happiness really differs for every single person. To some, happiness is attained by having great achievements, in academics, career, etc. To others, it could be finding the perfect partner(okay maybe not perfect, but your soulmate who is able to spend the rest of his/her life with you). For me, it's neither. I'm kinda an odd person, but well.. that's the person I am, I've come to accept that.

Great achievements are nice for me, but they aren't everything. I actually quite like doing well in things(like winning a competition, solving a problem no one else can solve, mastering some technique to perfection like dance, sudoku, singing etc.), but honestly, I don't have the sheer will to devote my entire self just to achieve this things. I might put in a few extra hours or a little more effort in hope of attaining a higher level of achievement in a particular area. But I'm not so extreme such that I'd become a super efficient person who makes use every bit of her time to achieve what I want, nor neglect friends or my health etc.

People often asked me about love, like what kind of guy I'm looking for, any crushes. . . But seriously, I haven't really given any thought on it. There's a few times when I thought, "oh.. he's not bad looking" or such, but that's that. nothing else. I don't really believe in love at first sight(I guess rarely anyone does), so I just brush off all "crushes" as just "crushes". Hm.. I guess you can say that my brain automatically censors this subject haha. I'm just not really looking into a relationship right now. I still want to have free time to hang out with friends and do my own stuff. And I don't want to be affected by relationship's thorns which I have seen sooo too often with other people. I guess maybe I'm afraid of the commitment.

Actually, at the rate of how I'm living my life now, I think I'll never get married. LoL. There was this saying that "Guys and Girls cannot be just friends" with some people agreeing and others disagreeing. I actually agree with this. I know many people would disagree with me but I think it is true to a very large extent for some people. Not that I have any grudge against guys or anything, but I find it very difficult to talk to them as their interest are way different from mine.(I already have trouble talking to certain people of the same gender with not so similar interests already. -.-" *~~not everyone can be my friend~~, I mean, I can't be comfortably myself around every single person) As a result, I'm someone who blends in and not striking or popular at all. I wouldn't want to stand out anyway, I don't like dealing with people I'm not comfortable with. So if a guy approach me(more than a few times for no really good reason), I get a little wary that what he is looking for is a little more than just friendship.

I know this wariness isn't good for me but I also don't want to be so naive.. and I'm not really mature enough to make such judgements. >.> o wells.. I'm fine even if I end up an lonely old lady haha. eh.. actually I'm not sure, things might change. I realised now what I seek most is friendship. I'd just enjoy life to the fullest. To me, Happiness is the things in your life that brings you joy right in the present moment and which continues instead of fading away. Happiness to me, is not a single event, which brings joy one moment but quickly fades off with time. My form of happiness must always be continuing, forever bringing a light fluffy feeling in you. =) All I need are friends, hobbies and little things that bring joy like sinful deserts and entertainment.

2011-12-27T22:26:00.004+08:00

Usually I run away rather than confront problems. =/

Cuz I'm really bad at tackling something head on.

2011-12-21T18:13:00.001+08:00

I have learnt 3 ways of saying person-in-charge in Japanese. -.-"

主任
係員
担当者

When do I use which? why is there so many words for I/C?

I'm kinda getting bored staring at vocab all day. Let's set a target, I shall read and understand about 2 more chapters in my textbook before the next year begins. So I must finish chapter 10.

2011-12-21T00:03:00.000+08:00

Yay, Happy with my results! My CAP went down 0.1 last sem but it went back up to where it was again. =D

I was pretty shocked when I got an A- for HR. o.O How in the world did I do it when I wrote super short(and probably incoherent, unplanned and poor) essays for the exams? haha. I think the CA marks must have pulled my grades up a lot, since I was in quite good groups for my projects.

2011-12-13T23:35:00.001+08:00

Had my first Japanese lesson today ever since I stopped temporarily 2 months ago. It was a make up lesson to skip to the Advance course. I realised that my listening has really gone very very bad. Plus, I was feeling very sleepy for some reason at that time so I couldn't quite keep up. Furthermore they were cramming everything in Pre-Advance which normally takes a year into 2 lessons. I needed to be 100% alert in order to catch what the teacher was saying but too bad I couldn't maintain my concentration for that long.

The girl beside me is super good. What the heck is she in this class for when she already knows all the grammar. She reads super fast and can read ahead and do the practice questions at the same time while the teacher is talking. o.O
Actually she reminds me of me when I just entered the Intermediate class. :x heh heh.

Oh, but it was surprisingly pleasant to see my Dance senior there too! in the exact same class! I knew she was in IKOMA but I thought she had gone to a very high level already since she was so passionate about Japanese. It's nice to finally have a friend in class. :D I used to be very afraid to make friends in my previous class because always join a class halfway, and everyone seems to have their own friends already.

I really need to buck up on my vocab. I knew my listening was weak(and speaking even weaker). I thought my writing and reading was okay but after this class I don't think so anymore. Expand your vocabulary!

It's going be a tough road, I know it. Even I still have problems with Chinese after learning it almost the whole of my life and I've only learnt Japanese for 2 years. However, I will keep at it and improve to the best of my abilities. I hope to be able to pass N2 at this time the very next year. And most of all, I hope that I would study enough to cope during my exchange.

2011-12-11T22:27:00.001+08:00

excited for tmr's bns! Finally I can practice speaking Japanese. I haven't talk to someone in Japanese for so long

2011-12-11T18:37:00.001+08:00

Mwahhahaha, I'm gonna try to map P.E as my GEM. I don't think it will get accepted though haha.

2011-12-10T11:02:00.001+08:00

WAHH!!!

Just when I thought I could map Robotics as my TE, I saw this additional column in my school website:
今年度開講有無:
無

:'( At least I didn't realised this after translating everything. I'll put this one aside if I have time, maybe they will offer it next year

On the bright side: I found another TE to map for my specialization. :)
EDIT: and google translate seems to be handling this TE pretty well :D

2011-12-09T23:04:00.001+08:00

Translating is not fun! =/

Google translate totally sux. Probably the best computer translator around, but still sux.

2011-12-06T16:04:00.001+08:00

Happy today! I finished my work in about 2.5-3 hours so I can do my own things now. Hope there's no sudden task for the rest of the day.

2011-12-06T02:07:00.001+08:00

Happy, just completed 1 module mapping form in about 2 hours. Translation is definitely a lot easier with the rikaichan program. *Slacking off looking for Japanese learning language sources and materials during exam period is not such a waste of time after all* Now waiting for it to get checked on lang-8, before I send

2011-12-05T23:04:00.001+08:00

I feel like I got no time for anything except work! =/// Especially so on days I go out.

Tomorrow is a free day. Must make good use of it.

I will start my Module Mapping!!!!!!!!
Must START!

2011-12-03T21:02:00.001+08:00

zz. I don't know whether is because i'm inefficient, but work really takes up a lot of time... -.-"

I guess I was really inefficient in the first half of the day because while I was half-way updating listings, my boss messaged me with a lot of urgent listings to be posted up. And then she dropped the bomb that 1 of the other accounts supposed to have all the rent listings of another. *I was like WHAT??? No one told me that* Then I kinda panick trying to learn how to post listings in that account because I never posted one before so i didn't quite know what information to put in. So I was really slow.. being all confused and all... T.T I think I left the impression that I am really inefficient.

I guess working long hours means more money, but I don't want to work so long, I want to study Japanese. That's the point of getting this supposedly slack part-time job... =/ I hope I speed up.

2011-12-03T01:18:00.001+08:00

bleh.. I'm really getting worked up over nothing. I should take my time and do it slowly and meticulously. I shall be normal tomorrow.

2011-11-28T21:06:00.001+08:00

Oh Yesh! FREEDOM

The paper today was super difficult but my friends found it difficult too so hopefully the bell curve will shift to the left and I will get a decent grade. Wah hahaha

Okay let me do out a daily timetable so I don't get lazy.

8am.. breakfast
9am.. erm..

Heck with it! I don't follow timetables. I'll just make sure I spend at least an hour reading my intermediate jap textbook. And half an hour on anki, and another hour studying Heat Transfer everyday. Yeah that's good. And I promise myself to post up a japanese entry everyday on lang-8.com. yup yup. That's a good intensive japanese study plan. I must make sure I stick to it(especially on days when I'm totally free)

I shall study JLPT4 notes (JLPT this sunday :x) and some of the above tomorrow.

ちょうちょう

2011-11-27T20:08:00.000+08:00

finding entertainment in watching Japanese children's show, haha

2011-11-27T14:30:00.001+08:00

Countdown: 29 more hours.

Whee I still don't know how to do lots of past year paper and haven't done a few tutorial questions yet but heck care.. like they will help...

Whack tmr. My cap is going to drop this sem again. sobs.

2011-11-27T00:04:00.001+08:00

I'm getting very anxious now although i'm slacking at the same time o.O I don't think i'll be able to get good sleep tonight

2011-11-25T20:27:00.001+08:00

Wee today is a good day.

I barely finished in time and I forgot to change one of my answers from pencil to pen and to put an 'END' at the end of that answer but at least I could do everything with a reasonable amount of confidence! :)) I had probably made a bit of mistake at the end as I came up with some very weird answer. At least the method is correct. =))

I think this module can get A/A- :))

Now chiong for my last paper! (I'm totally screwed for this one :x)

2011-11-25T11:47:00.001+08:00

I've realised that learning Japanese on the internet is not a very good way. The answers given by others are often incredible. Sometimes i don't know whether to trust them. With a textbook or a proper teacher, I can just accept whatever that is given without worrying whether it is right or wrong.

I think I will not be lazy and revise my Jap1-3 notes after exam, at least flip thru them. And also thoroughly study jap 4 vocab. I'm really weak at vocab now without my weekly vocab tests in school. =( Then chiong my JLPT4 notes given to me by IKOMA. =))

And I shall maybe spend about two days each to revise a chap of the japanese textbook I bought. When I get to new chapters, will spend longer time(maybe a week) and i will not be lazy and study the vocab seriously..

Can't wait for Japanese lessons to begin, I miss speaking Japanese. I do hope I get picked for BnS program, it would be a good chance to improve my Japanese speaking skills and expose myself out of my comfort zone.

2011-11-24T23:41:00.001+08:00

ME3112 notes is super thick @.@ At least it is open book.

I'm not going to study anymore for tmr's paper. I think I got most of the concepts in my head already(or at least in my cheatsheet). The rest depends on my problem solving ability and state of mind during the exam tmr

2011-11-24T13:17:00.001+08:00

Chun Meng is in holiday mood already!!

Not good! you still have exam tmr and Mon.

I feel really screwed for Monday's paper. Hopefully a miracle happens over the weekend

2011-11-23T00:19:00.001+08:00

Sense of achievement: read finish all of the forum topics for tmr's paper. I feel 75% prepared now compared to 3 days ago where I feel only 25% prepared. =)

Sleep...

2011-11-22T19:01:00.001+08:00

Kokia is my new favourite singer. =D. She has a very beautiful voice that's really calming to the soul. Just like Angela Aki except with a different quality to it.

*going through the forums to read all the questions posted is not fun at all*

After tmr, there will be just 2 more. Hang in there!

*Why am I always encouraging myself??????? Right.. because I have no motivation. -.-"*

2011-11-22T16:15:00.001+08:00

RARGHHHH!!!

2011-11-21T21:36:00.001+08:00

Chun Meng.... exactly 1 more week and it'll be over!! YAY

*why is it that I always lose my motivation to study before the exam. I won't say that I'm not prepared before each exam but I'm always not prepared to my fullest..

KOKIA - moment - 05 - 大丈夫だいじょうぶ

2011-11-21T14:51:00.000+08:00

大丈夫だいじょうぶ・・・

ねぇ私は今頑張れているのかな
ねぇあなたからはどんな風に見えているの
もしもあの人が今ここに居たなら
何てアドヴァイスを私にくれるの

答えは私の中にあることをどこかで知っているけれど
「大丈夫」そう誰かに言ってほしかったの
「大丈夫」そうあなたに言ってほしかったの

ねぇこんな時にあなたならどうするの
少し時間がいる時なのかも･･･

答えは私の中にあることをどこかで知っているけれど
「大丈夫」そう誰かに言ってほしかったの
「大丈夫」そうあなたに言ってほしかったの

「大丈夫」そうあなたに言ってほしかったの･･･

I feel so at eased whenever I hear this song. :)

2011-11-20T18:35:00.001+08:00

Bleh... I fell sick due to the super humid weather in the morning. Sneezing non-stop now. >.>

2011-11-19T16:48:00.001+08:00

Just finished ME2142 paper!. =))

I think I will do quite okay for that paper, at least I could do all the questions. I think I may have made calculations error though...

Don't feel prepared for the next paper. yikes.!!

2011-11-17T23:06:00.001+08:00

1 down and 4 more to go... 28-17=11 more days. =)))))

2011-11-15T21:42:00.001+08:00

=( I know I'm whining too much, but I want exams to end.

First thing I'll do is go home and sleep, then I will arrange to meet up with QL in one of the following few days, Then maybe arrange a Jap Karaoke date with Anna(If her exams end early enough. O yes, and start studying for JLPT N4. I have 1 week to do that.

I have so many things to do after exam!! =D
I'll have to resume my module mapping too! After JLPT I will start studying all my Japanese material and my Heat Transfer textbook. Maybe I'll get some slack part time job to kill time when I'm not studying Japanese and earn some cash to spend next year

Okay, wow, I realised that I would still be studying after exams. Well, at least it would be something I like.

K back to readings!!

Tomorrow I will do more readings and maybe start on ME3162 paper if I get bored. Then print out more ME2142 papers to do with JS the next day after HR2002

2011-11-15T15:56:00.001+08:00

After I saw the past year paper for HR2002 I got a bit nervous and decided to do a little preparation for it. haha

And since I'm so easily distracted, I shall blog about psychological topics to prepare for HR haha.

What were some of the biggest influences that shaped the way you are today?

This question made me think back to primary school. It was so long ago, and I couldn't quite remember anything that happened then anymore. But I think it was then where my personality was shaped and set in. Despite not remembering much, I do remember that I kept blaming my quiet personality due to my experience in primary school A LOT when I was in secondary school. But really I shouldn't use this as an excuse as I have the ability to change myself now. Everyone does, although it is not easy.

Anyway during those old days when we were still little kids, we were all quite immature and like to play pranks and tease others, although not really meaning it. However, I was an overly serious kid that could not take jokes and get angry at the slightest thing. Sometimes, I will blurt out something that shouldn't be said. Things like "you can't do this, it is wrong" or "This is mine, get your own" These things said were not wrong so as to say, but it deeply affected my relationship with most of my classmates. I had only one or two close friends in primary school, I was pretty wary of my other classmates as I was subjected to "bullying" by them if I did anything that it is not "cool". Well, at least at that time, in my perception, I get bullied a lot(through teasing and ostracism). There's this group of girls that always find the slightest reason to accuse me of something I did not do or had no intention of doing. I don't know whether it is intentional or not as all of us were still immature at that time. Maybe they did not mean it.

If you compare me in Kindergarten and in Pri 3/4, I think there is really is a noticeable change in my personality. I used to throw tantrums like nobody's business. And I believe(if my recollection is right), although not an extremely outgoing person as a child, I was reasonably friendly and talkative. By Pri 3/4, I sort of withdrawn myself. I wouldn't want to be seen as a teacher's pet and a attention grabber. Because that will invite unnecessary negative response from my peers. I do not talk as much as before. I think harder before saying the first thing on my mind, in case I say something wrong.

I became even more quiet in Pri 5 and 6. Well, I was stuck with mostly the same classmates that were "bullying" me at that time. But I think it is also because I was experiencing the same problem in my CCA as well.

Because of this experience, I graduated primary school as a very quiet and tolerant person. If you knew me when I was 5~ and see me now, you wouldn't believe how much of a person I've changed. okay, to be fair, this entire experience is written based on my memories when I was 10~. I have to admit it is very biased. I could be doing something bad that led to everyone "hating" me without knowing. Or maybe because I was young, I misread the actions of my classmates. It could be because I was overly serious, I took a joke in the wrong way and everything went downhill afterwards.

This got me thinking that I'm really very easily influenced and affected by other people. If I wasn't I wouldn't make such a big deal of classmates ostracising me and my personality would not have changed much, would it? Actually even now, I am still exhibiting some of these traits. I'm am really afraid to offend others or hurt others because I don't want to create conflict and make an enemy. But that fear is really counterproductive. I become so afraid that I don't talk at all. In times of awkward silence, I would mention little things like, "The weather is hot today, huh?" And the person would reply "ya". If I'm lucky, the other party would help me continue the conversation, but if not it would just end there. And usually I'm afraid to bring up personal stuff or topics that the other party might not like(even though I do not exactly know what they don't like to talk about) or topics that might lead them to view me poorly. As a result, common topics to talk about is greatly limited and conversations with most people end very quickly in awkward silence for me. There you have it, a person who wants friends but is too afraid to speak up.

Well, I opened up a little during JC as I had really nice classmates. And in university I have great friends. I would still be considered quiet but it is not as bad as the time when I was in primary school or secondary school I feel.

Okay, this is the first time I'm writing something so personal on my blog but it is a very long time ago, so it's all right. Everyone has probably forgotten about it. I would not have wrote this if I was still in secondary school or earlier.

I really really value all of the friendships that I have forged with over the years. And I hope that they will never die. Up until now, I had made a few mistakes that resulted me in distancing from a few good friends. It is really sad, and I regretted it. At least now I know that these friendships are not easy to come by and I should treasure every single one of them. :)

2011-11-15T12:07:00.001+08:00

2 days before the start of my first paper, I found myself downloading Japanese learning resources. o.O I think I downloaded more then I'll be able to read during my 3 month break...

Seriously, go and study lah!

*But I'm really happy I found those resources online(can save money by not buying textbooks from Kinokuniya, which I already did once with "An integrated approach to intermediate japanese", not knowing that actually my friend's friend could have helped me buy at a cheaper price from school T.T), should download them before the download link gets taken off*

2011-11-13T23:44:00.001+08:00

I'm so irritated!!!!! #%@%#@$

2011-11-11T22:36:00.001+08:00

Hurray, I passed the jlpt mock test n4 which will let me skip pre-advance to advance. woo hoo. Too bad they only have part time lessons for advance. Lessons begin in January but there will be one or two make up lessons in december. =) Haiz, I'm not sure if I'm even able to complete 1 advance term before I leave for exchange.

At least this means that I will have time to do a part-time job in the day and accumulate more savings for exchange.

I'm glad that I signed up for N4 instead of N3 even though I passed the mock test with flying colours. Because when I did the test, I realised my Japanese vocab is EXTREMELY rusty. And some vocab have never appeared in the Minna no Nihongo textbook at all(although few) There are also a few grammar that is not taught yet. Good thing I studied the Intergreted approach to Japanese earlier this sem because some of the grammar points there helped me make the passing mark to skip pre-advance.

がんばります！

I will study Japanese very hard and also my heat transfer notes/textbook too during the holidays! Now study for the upcoming exams.
You've been very unproductive today..>.>

2011-11-11T02:58:00.001+08:00

If you know an instant cure for insomnia, let me know.

2011-11-06T18:27:00.001+08:00

It's the mixed feeling again.

I dread the exams so much but I'm really excited after it ends. I'm especially excited this time. After exams, I will begin my intensive Japanese language studies, Slack around. Prepare for SEP. Get a part-time job. I'm thinking of maybe working as a waitress in a Japanese restaurant or something haha. then I can practice speaking it a little.

So many things to look forward to.
Okay, I got my mood to study now.

2011-11-02T13:09:00.001+08:00

Bleh... I don't want to think anymore....

Chun Meng is going through another phase of depression as exams close in.

2011-10-24T10:42:00.002+08:00

Chun Meng please get your act together. Stop procrastinating and complaining. Exams are in less then a months time. Start mugging like you have never mug before.

I should stop facebooking and watching anime and doing random surfing on the net. T.T Study! Start revising your tutorials(actually more like start doing since I've not been doing them and only been coming to tutorials for answers.) so pathetic haha.

bear with it for 1 month plus, after that you can play all you want. Seriously, don't regret it again.

2011-10-22T00:03:00.001+08:00

I hate arguing because I'm really bad at it. Somehow I get easily influenced by the other party during any debate but after a heated argument(or lecture), I realised that actually I'm not in the wrong too. And by sitting down and think about it, I can easily think of some counterarguments. Problem is that I cannot put it in words.

Results? Me just ignoring the other party and holding firm to my beliefs. But I still feel so downplayed.

If only, people were more open and accepting. It is good that some people have very strong ideals and have a clear direction in life. But that doesn't mean that they should force their ideals on others. For me, I'm not a very influential person, in fact, I'm easily influenced. But still I still have things I have and like to do and ideals to myself I hold dear. Shooting down my interests or what I believe are important things in life is just so unfair, especially without understanding it first.

I guess that is why I'm more accepting to differences of others, because I want others to accept my differences too.

Recently, we learnt in Human Resource about the Self. How the self can be taught as 2 reflecting mirrors, you try to portray the image you desire to others, afterwhich, the other party will react to the image you portray and you try to change yourself according to the reactions of the other party.

I find myself doing that unconsciously all the time. Towards different people, I behave differently. Sometimes I get very loud and talkative(though rarely, only with people with I'm extremely familiar with) but most of the time I'm really quiet. I tend to have a weak aura, I guess. Sometimes I have things I want to say, but I'm too afraid to say it. Could be low-self esteem? haha, I'm always doubting myself and thinking that I might have made a mistake somewhere. hm.. possible reason may be because I'm not well-versed in general knowledge or interests that the majority have. Can't really be confident with my stand without much knowledge.

I do know that I do not have a strong direction in life. But I'm exploring it and finding it. I'm sure many others are also experiencing the same thing. I do not want to decide straight away on a goal or a path that will decide how I spend the rest of my life. It's too big of a choice to be made just by pondering it overnight. If you have already found it, good for you. But don't push your direction in life unto others, because it is their life, not yours.

Just feel like ranting and settling my thoughts. I realised that I haven't written a long blog post for a long time already. o.O

2011-10-12T15:11:00.000+08:00

Have been pondering and worrying about it since almost forever, and I have somehow accepted myself somewhere along the way not too long ago. But still sometimes, I can't help but waver back to thinking that I should still change.

2011-10-09T19:10:00.000+08:00

It would be nice if

[***]

and

[******]

2011-10-08T16:40:00.000+08:00

Where will passion take you?

2011-10-04T00:56:00.001+08:00

限りなく広がる真っ白な明日に何を描く
現実が染め行く真っ暗な明日に何を描く
もがき輝く

I love this song. :) My favourite song changes from time to time, and they are a good representation of my mood.

2011-10-01T15:23:00.001+08:00

Whenever I start downloading random songs which I like after listening to the radio(or theme songs from anime), I get really thrilled when the artist match another song which I like. It's like finding out and further understanding the identity of my style of music.

The most 3 recent songs I downloaded were from boy bands, quite rare for me. Usually I like female singers(with a unique voice or have a very catchy/special songs)

2011-09-30T21:48:00.001+08:00

I have a long list of projects and homework to work on but I don't feel like doing anything... zzz crap my mid term is the week after..

2011-09-27T00:46:00.000+08:00

going through the motion going through the motion. lah la lah.

I don't want to do anything now.

2011-09-25T11:11:00.003+08:00

I'm feeling hungry and queasy at the same time T.T

What should I eat... oats maybe?

2011-09-25T00:01:00.003+08:00

Why do we have to follow society norms? It's such a headache to put effort into something you are totally not interested in but have to do so anyway or face more troublesome consequences.

Not everyone has the same likes, dislikes and value they have on various things. Some think differently from what generic people normally think

2011-09-22T23:12:00.003+08:00

I had a scary dream last night. that I was living in a "haunted house" with creepy stuff happening. Couldn't quite remember though. What I remembered really clearly though was a girl with long hair covering her face moving towards me at quite a fast pace while I was waking up. And then I dreamt that I lapsed back into sleep and experiencing the same nightmare a few more times before completely become awake and got out of bed.

Wonder what was that about

2011-09-21T20:32:00.005+08:00

I'm running away from all problems. I know that doesn't help anything, but I still ignore them and pretend that they are non-existent.

That's really bad.

2011-09-20T11:47:00.002+08:00

I really don't like people asking me to explain my reason for any decision I make. I do have reasons but I don't express them very well. Either that, reasons would be too personal to say.

2011-09-17T08:00:00.000+08:00

I wasn't irritated until you told me I was. I was just trying to get my faulty light on and to find my phone

2011-09-16T14:08:00.002+08:00

We decide ourselves what we want to have and we make it happen with our own power.

2011-09-15T22:38:00.003+08:00

Bleh!! Curses to ME3101. How am I supposed to device a control system without knowing the exact mechansim. -.-" Researching like kind of useless now.

2011-09-11T00:36:00.002+08:00

Whoo! Concert is over. didn't did my best for the last 2 runs but overall it was still okay. =D finally got this happy feeling in me.

Recently I've been feeling depressed for no reason and crying for every little thing but the feeling is gone now. Hope it stays that way. haha

2011-09-01T03:17:00.002+08:00

I decided to go out to study every night. It's not conducive at home...

dots dots dots...
I think I'm really depressed... Whenever I stone and blank out my mind, I just feel sad and frustrated. Can't really put my finger on the real cause behind this. There's a lot of tiny problems in my life that might have contributed to this. But they are really trivial. I shouldn't be bothered by it this much.

2011-08-27T12:06:00.000+08:00

dots dots dots . . .

2011-08-20T23:52:00.002+08:00

Natsu Matsuri was super fun. we got to eat some really delicious ice-cream played some games and did the bon-odori dance. =D Anna's friend Temi is also really nice! like she will help introduce us to what is good and stuff like that. Anna and Temi both came in Yukatas and they were really pretty =) i wanted one too but.. I rushed down from dance and is troublesome and probably cost money to get one. It was really nice to experience the festival spirit and seeing lots of people in Yukatas. Can't wait for pictures to be up on facebook.

2011-08-16T22:16:00.001+08:00

GAhh I really want to semester to end even though it has just begun.

after that I can concentrate on studying Japanese and getting ready for exchange. how fun!

Reading up on the notes for the part of the lecture which I missed. Not really making much progress since I'm not focusing.

2011-08-16T01:35:00.000+08:00

I'm feeling kinda depressed nowadays for no reason. Don't pay to much attention to it.

2011-08-15T14:05:00.003+08:00

The rain is making me procrastinate and not go to school to submit my SEP application. Haiz... and have dance practice at outram later.....

If 3pm comes and it hasn't stop raining yet, I will force myself to go.

2011-08-12T01:19:00.003+08:00

I have lost interest in something that was once a big part of my life.

2011-08-06T00:35:00.003+08:00

Bleh... I'm alone for lab.. At least my lab is on wednesday so monday is my free day.

RaRGH, how do they do the grouping. How come my OG mates are together in the same lab along with 2 of my closer friends but I'm seperated from them??!!

Ok I know.. Cuz I dropped ME3122 so I'm put together with the odd people group -.-"

2011-08-04T12:05:00.003+08:00

昨日アナーさんとフイ・ワンさんとカラオケに行った。Cash Box へ行きました。一時を予約したのに店員は一時半来た。それから、また３０分を待って、カラオケの部屋に入れた。サービスとても悪いと思った。

At least the shopkeeper was polite and helpful. and we had a lot of fun singing songs haha. Zhao xia like a gazillion times though. And could not sing a lot of the songs I searched beforehand either because of my bad handwriting or that I forgot to set the correct machine at the website.

Anna was so funny. She was really depressed about not finding her nurarihyon no mago song. LOL.

on another note: Cashbox is really cheap on weekdays! =D about 35 dollars for 3 hours but you can have free extension until closing time if no one comes! Sadly, I had to leave for dance practice at the end of the 3 hours T.T.

またカラオケに行くのは楽しみしている。

2011-08-03T00:10:00.001+08:00

For the first time in my NUS life(actually sorta second) I have a free day! yay. The only time I had a free day previously was in sem 1 where my tuesdays are free if I have no lab. but I had to go to school anyway because of dance.

This sem I have a free day on mon! wheee. unless... if my ME3101 groupmates want to meet up or something. probably not. =)

2011-07-31T21:26:00.002+08:00

ARgh... Boredom is setting in again!

I have a few dramas and anime to watch but I don't feel like watching them.... o.O

Can't wait for Karaoke on Wed! =D

Shall sleep now since I'm so bored..

let see what I should do tmr...
1) scan and submit VIP report
2)??
3)erm... there's nothing to do??
4) o yeah.. I can start selling my tb on IVLE
5) erm.......
6) finish watching Hana Kimi??
7) study Japanese??
8) Get back to reading your Japanese light novel??

Gosh I'm really bored.

2011-07-31T09:00:00.002+08:00

Bleh.. i wake up automatically around 7-7.30 even though my eyes tell me they need more rest.

2011-07-29T13:49:00.002+08:00

Last day of my internship.

My once very cluttered workspace has become empty once again. And there is no longer a zhuo deng robot beside me.

How time flies.

EDIT:
Haha, I've just realised that my supervisors likes fast robots. Just now when I was driving the robot back to the project room, he complained about the speed again, lol.

2011-07-28T22:13:00.002+08:00

Now that my intern is over, I got the start of school to worry about. I hope I don't die next sem. Taking 6 modules plus trying to improve my Jap outside. ME3101 and 3112 and HR2002 will probably be quite heavy too...

2011-07-28T17:34:00.001+08:00

Bleh... PC1143 mapping got rejected

2011-07-28T09:05:00.002+08:00

Today's the second last day of my internship. Technically, my internship is already over since I completed the task and have nothing to do now. haha

It's been a really great experience =) This is probably gonna be the only time where I get to toy around with robotics without having to fork out cash to buy equipment. Well, although I only got to experience a tiny part of what people do with robotics, I think it is nice that I got to experience a little bit on what R&D is like. Having experienced it. I wouldn't mind going into this field.

Decided on Mechatronics to be my specialization. Next sem I'll be taking Industrial Automation which will fulfill one of the TE requirements for that specialization. =)

Hopefully I get to map EG2401 and PC1143 for SEP. Since I don't think they will not be very related to what I'm specializing, I think it will be okay if the lessons are in Japanese and I don't understand half of what is going on. haha

2011-07-27T10:08:00.001+08:00

It just dawned unto me that I will be year 3 next year and some of my classmates from AJ will be going to NUS haha. So will probably bump into them from time to time.

2011-07-27T08:46:00.003+08:00

I know I shouldn't be complaining. My biggest problem in life is probably fights with siblings and trouble with friends...

but.. haiz. I hate complications. Wondered who let out which HR class I was bidding for. Or is it just coincidence?

EDIT:
Omg ME3242 only got 27 people, at least for Round 1A. Hope I manage well and not be destroyed by the bell curve

2011-07-27T01:00:00.002+08:00

I want to live a simple life by myself, with no strings attached, to do whatever I want, at my own time, my own pace

2011-07-26T09:19:00.002+08:00

heng... I thought I forgot to bring my thumbdrive today when I could not find it in my bag. Cuz that would mean, I brought my laptop for nothing as I could not do my work(stored in my thumbdrive) and I would have nothing to do the entire day. @.@

Luckily it was in my bag.. dropped out of the compartment I usually put it in.

EDIT: half an hour later, I'm done... with both reports. o.O just need to print it now.

さあー、今どうしようかな．．．

2011-07-24T08:37:00.001+08:00

Crap.. I'm losing my motivation to study Japanese.

Curse you Keigo!!

I hope Jap lessons go faster today...

*Don't you hate the feeling of being helpless and useless?*

2011-07-22T15:18:00.001+08:00

Whee I have completed both reports, they are effectively the same except different formatting. haha.

Now just need to add the Student Log Sheet and VIP Report Clearance Form to the NUS Report and start reducing image quaility to make it go under the file size limit

2011-07-20T15:45:00.003+08:00

It is the lighting!!! I don't care, I shall manipulate my data.

I kind of feeling I'm doing a NUS lab report(because of manipulation of data) except that I don't have a specific format to follow.

edit:
I realised it is actually quite easy to fill up pages in this report because I cannot avoid putting pictures when showing my results ;p Effectively that means I can spam pictures and not look like I'm trying to waste space. Wheee I'm at my 11th page already and 2 more tests to go. Linear movement and on the spot sharp turns. =) that will at least take up another 4 pages.

That makes 15 pages. Do some formatting plus cover page, content page and conclusion and it will be almost 20 =)) I will finish the 2 tests and then do formatting. If it is not over 20 by then I just need to add another test haha.

note: I know it is quite irritating that I keep complaining about work here but I feel that it helps me get motivated and on track in writing my report.

note to self: Must finish formatting of this report by Sat and the NUS report(at least 90% complete) by Sun. then you can slack next week by just doing finishing touches to both reports and you can get your NUS report cleared before the end of the internship so you don't have to go back to get it cleared again.

note(again): Happy. I definitely have enough materials for NUS report.

Ok I'm done.

2011-07-20T13:29:00.004+08:00

I just saw my friend posted on facebook her 3day week timetable.

haiz why engine students always so busy. Then they purposely make timetable must come everyday. I would actually have monday off if not for that 1 hour ME3101 tutorial.

O wells... I see if I can arrange with Anna to study Jap every monday then.

Edit:
gosh.. testing is driving me crazy. I don't get consistent results. Yesterday it was working quite well at a certain speed. Today I cannot reproduce the same result at the same speed. =/ Haiz.. I feel like manipulating the data. Maybe it's the lighting... yesterday the sun was rather strong...

2011-07-20T09:03:00.002+08:00

Gosh I really really don't feel like working now, here I am blogging and slacking of during work. *still have that 20 page report to do, haiz, and only on page 7, shall spam lots and lots of pictures, lol*

Anyway I feel like blogging about my first lesson at IKOMA. The one thing I do not like is that the teacher speaks very slowly(like she does not force us to speak fast unlike NUS) So I was a bit bored during lessons. >.> Maybe that's because I have already studied that chapter and my foundation in that chapter is rather strong already. I hope she goes to lesson 48 soon.

But at least the teacher is very very nice and patient. I was late 5 min and apologised when I entered but I didn't think I did it very well(stumbled quite terribly) cuz I was a little nervous. But nevertheless she said "it's okay" many times to assure me hehe. She's also very nice to answer all your questions.

To make full use of my money, I should prepare some questions to ask her next lesson. =x although I'm a bit scared to appear odd if I ask her questions regarding lessons not taught yet.

2011-07-18T20:56:00.001+08:00

I really am not looking for one right now. And seeing examples around me, I would rather not have it as it would take away my freedom to do whatever I want to do whenever I want to...

2011-07-18T12:44:00.001+08:00

I saw some Japanese (tourist, I think) at the supermarket below my office. =) lol, walked around them a few times just to eavesdrop on their conversation to see if I could understand anything. Feel like a stalker haha. But sadly, only understood about 10% of what they say. haha.

2011-07-18T09:36:00.002+08:00

2 more weeks before the end of my internship. I have to do a 20-30 page report!!!!!!! and there I have to change that 20-30 page report to suit 2 more reports I have to submit, 1 to the company's HR department and the other to NUS. -.-"

2011-07-16T09:41:00.005+08:00

Haha, fixed photobucket problems by replacing them with google images. >.> Not bad I must say haha for an amateur of blogskins. I realised that html use object-oriented programming o.O after reading thru the template

EDIT:
Bleh.. it's unstable. initially the profile was set to close and the background of the profile was black but now it is totally transparent and the profile opens immediately. >.>

EDIT:
RArghh! now the profile can't open

2011-07-15T14:04:00.001+08:00

From nothing to do.. to a 20-30 page report?? o.O o wells... At least I'll just need to copy and paste into the nus report

2011-07-14T17:04:00.002+08:00

Okay, I will stick with IKOMA despite expensive expensive fees. =x
Shall make a call to them tonight.

edit:
Why does my blog have the photobucket picture?!
この間変えたばかりなのに....

2011-07-14T11:03:00.001+08:00

-.-" I'm back to wavering between the 2 schools after seeing a reply to my post on a thread. HOW? maybe I call Bunka later to ask how they teach their pre-advance class

2011-07-13T11:12:00.003+08:00

I think I will go with IKOMA.

Because...

convenient (sort of between NUS and my home and near MRT)
Flexible timing
Lots of good reviews
Used Minna no Nihongo
Cannot afford to waste time trying out a school where I'm not sure if it will be effective in improving Japanese
Full time courses available in case I want intensive training during the break before SEP

But...
heart pain... so expensive. O well.. It won't be in the long term. let me count...
Aug to Mar next year, that's 8 months. each term about 3 months so i'll prolly spend about 1k+ in total???(if I continue all the way before my exchange) T.T

2011-07-13T00:06:00.001+08:00

This is the only thing I have been really passionate about in my entire life. Don't take it away from me

2011-07-06T00:48:00.003+08:00

.............................

What the heck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
@#$!!^$!#$%^!%!@#%#^$5#25#@(***((((^%@%^^$@$%!@#$!%$!#%$!%$!^

I think I will dislike having a roommate ,(unless she is a very nice person who keeps the room tidy at least wash her own clothes and can take care of herself) Can't wait for SEP.. then I can go and live on my own.

2011-07-05T15:18:00.003+08:00

erm... How do I do this... stupid code consist of hundreds of lines which I can't decipher as every line is linked to another class from another code. -.-" and when I go to the other code, they are linked to even more classes from other codes. -.-""" *That doesn't really explain anything...*

Shush...

ちょうちょう

KOKIA - moment - 05 - 大丈夫 だいじょうぶ

大丈夫 だいじょうぶ・・・

KOKIA - moment - 05 - 大丈夫だいじょうぶ

大丈夫だいじょうぶ・・・